


Dead Men Figuring it Out

by abc123z



Category: Skulduggery Pleasant - Derek Landy
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-06
Updated: 2020-05-06
Packaged: 2021-03-02 19:21:21
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,041
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24031942
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/abc123z/pseuds/abc123z
Summary: The Dead Men solve the mystery of Valkyrie and Skulduggerys changing relationship one by one. AKA the five of them figure out Valkyrie and Skulduggery are in love. Alternate universe- everyone survives Darquesse and Erskine isn't evil in the end
Relationships: Valkyrie Cain & Skulduggery Pleasant, Valkyrie Cain/Skulduggery Pleasant
Comments: 1
Kudos: 47





	Dead Men Figuring it Out

**Author's Note:**

> HI! This is in a universe where Erskine is not evil and all the Deadmen survive and fight Darquesse. I think thats all you need to know, its just a silly fun story about Valduggery  
> Please like or review at the end!!

The Dead Men were obviously quite close to each other. They became close during the war against Malevolent, and since then nothing had changed. Almost nothing could change it not years after the war, not whatever fights and arguments they got into, and not however long they went without seeing each other. The one thing that could change them was letting Valkyrie Cain join.

At first it wasn't noticeable. As time passed the difference grew and the Dead Men came to notice it one by one. The difference was that Skulduggery Pleasant was enamored with Valkyrie Cain. In the past, Skulduggery had trained various partners but none lasted as long or made as large of an impact as the dark haired girl they had all come to love. They were closer than any partners Skulduggery had in the past, and eventually the other Dead Men had to concede that the pair was closer than any of them. They always partnered together, even if it wasn't the best idea for the mission. They always covered each other's backs more than the rest, Dexter had learned this the hard way one fight when Skulduggery left him to help Valkyrie. And they were basically joined at the hip, you never saw the detective without his favorite combat accessory.

The remaining Dead Men noticed and observed the change this brought around in their skeleton friend. Skulduggery Pleasant was happier and lighter than he had been in centuries. It wasn't drastic or completely obvious but Skulduggery worked less and hung around his friends more. His sarcasm and wit was sharper than ever and anyone working at the sanctuary could attest it was because he got as good as he gave when it came to Miss. Cain. The changes were subtle, but they were there. The extent of the changes, however, wasn't fully noticed by the Dead Men until decades after Darquesses fell.

Ghastly Bespoke was the first of the men to notice. As he should be since he was Skulduggery's (second) best friend.

Valkyrie and Skulduggery had just returned from fighting the Sea Hag for what had to be the one hundredth time. The hag had drug Valkyrie into the lake by her jacket and refused to let the girl go. Of course, a raging fight between the pair and the Sea Witch commenced, in which the only casualties were Valkyries jacket and Skulduggery's favorite hat.

After the battle, on the way home Skulduggery had called Ghastly to order replacements for the lost items. Now, less than a week later, the partners were sitting on the couch in the tailors shop having stopped by to pick up the items.

Ghastly stood smiling and turned to leave the pair sitting on the couch with their order in front of them. He made his way to the kitchen putting the full kettle on the stove. Soft conversation was coming from the living room, words couldn't be made out but Ghastly could hear light laughter, even giggling. Curious, Ghastly peaked over his shoulder.

The two on the couch were sitting far closer than when he had left them. Valkyrie had her legs crossed towards the skeleton and her hands were folded politely in her lap. She was leaning in slightly. Skulduggery was sitting next to her, new hat in one hand and picking imaginary lint off the brim with the other. Ghastly watched as he chuckled lightly at something his partner just said. Skulduggery looked up at Valkyrie with an affectionate tilt of his head, a tilt Ghastly had come to recognize as only for the girl. Seeing how close the two were and how softly they were talking Ghastly was dying to know what they were saying but he didn't want to intrude. Instead he kept busy in the kitchen, peaking over his shoulder often.

Valkyrie was the one who laughed this time, her head tilting back slightly. Skulduggery watched her, tilt of his head unchanged. Slowly, gently Skulduggery raised his hand with the hat in it and placed the hat on Valkyrie's head causing her laughter to continue. Skulduggery ignored her laughter and adjusted the hat until it was just right, ending when he placed one arm around his partner's shoulders and cupping her cheek with the other hand. His gloved thumb softly stroking against her skin.

"It looks good on you," Skulduggery murmured softly and affectionately to the now blushing Valkyrie. Ghastly could barely hear what was said and couldn't look away at this point.

Valkyrie's eyes almost twinkled, something Ghastly had never seen before, and placed a hand softly on the detective's chest. Situating herself so she was cuddled under Skulduggery's arm and against his chest. "Thank you Mr. Pleasant." She stretched to place a kiss on his cheek bone.

Ghastly was watching from the kitchen, not even trying for subtly at this point. Not that it mattered because the two on his couch were too caught up in each other to notice. When Valkyrie kissed Skulduggery though, it startled the old tailor so the mug in his hands fell to the floor with a crash causing the could - were they a couple?- to spring apart.

"Sorry!" Ghastly called now focusing on picking up the broken ceramic and looking like he had not been watching them. The kettle began to whistle. He heard Valkyrie rise from the couch.

"Do you need help, Ghastly?" She appeared in the doorway, a light blush still apparent on her cheeks and a shine in her eyes.

"No, no," Ghastly smiled affectionately at the young girl, 400 years younger than him and his friends he thought. "Go back to whatever you were doing. I'll be right out." He turned and dropped the broken mug in the trash before going to the kettle. When did this girl change the Dead Men so much.

The second, and third, Dead Men to view the change was Saracen Rue and Erskine Ravel respectively. The day they found out the pair was in Erskine's office, talking over a mission that Saracen had just returned from.

Valkyrie and Skulduggery walked into the office together, not bothering to stop and knock as they were expected. They walked into Ravels office standing closer than most partners would but not close enough that either of the other men thought about it. The detectives took the two seats across Ravel's desk at the Grand Mages' insistence.

"You summoned us?" Skulduggery spoke with a smile in his voice that caused Erskine to raise his eyebrows in amusement.

"The Children of Spiders are being murdered." Erskine wasted no time in getting to the point of the meeting. "One every few weeks, and as there aren't a lot of people practicing this discipline they are struggling. We have no idea why they are being targeted and need the two of you to look into it immediately."

"No, thank you." Skulduggery stood and straightened his tie as if about to leave. His feelings for Children of Spiders never recovered after Madame Mists' betrayal all those years ago. Despite knowing this Erskine and Saracen had still expected his help, or at least not to be brushed off. Their jaws dropped slightly with shock.

"Skulduggery.." Valkyrie's voice came out as a warning to her partner, that he was expected to sit down, behave, and do his job. Despite the hardness of it, her voice was still warm and full of affection for her best friend standing beside her. She lifted her hand slightly as if to grab his hand and keep him from leaving but she thought better of it and instead her fingertips just grazed his side as he went to leave.

This made Skulduggery pause and he looked down at her, at her fingertips brushing against his side. Neither Saracen nor Erskine knew what to make of the interaction, the affection of the girl's voice, or the expression her partner was looking at her with.

Skulduggery sighed which made Valkyrie smile, "I don't know why you do that," she chuckled like it was a joke just between the two detectives. "You're a skeleton." He just stared at her, before sitting down again.

As he sat he turned back to Erskine, "What can you tell us?" His tone was soft in a way neither of the other men had heard before.

Saracen was unsure what to think and picked up the glass of water in front of him to give himself a moment to think and collect his thoughts. While he sipped, it hit him like a freight train. Immediately he started choking and sputtering, "Sorry! Sorry!" He was apologizing in between coughs while wildly looking between Skulduggery and Valkyrie. "Sorry again, sorry." Skullduggeries eye sockets stared at him with no emotion as always, Valkyrie's eyes narrowed ever so slightly as if daring him to say what he knew.

"Right." The female detective stared at him. "We should be going, murders to solve and stuff." She stood and turned to leave.

"I haven't told you anything!" Erskine exclaimed while standing too, which caused the other two men to stand as well. One turned to follow Valkyrie and the other stood still, glass of water still in hand.

"You said you didn't know anything. We will solve it." With that Valkyrie Cain walked out of the room, closely followed by Skulduggery Pleasant. Erskine and Saracen were left staring at the door their friends just exited from.

"What was that abo-"

"They're dating!" Saracen was almost shouting. He was too shocked at the news.

Erskine startled looking at him. "No they aren't," he paused. "They would tell us," A longer pause this time, "How do you know?"

Saracen just gave him a look.

"Right. You know things."

Next was Dexter.

Dexter Vex obviously liked adventure and getting into a really good fight. And while he didnt like to admit it, occasionally he got into fights that were over his head. He was a magnificent fighter, but one man could only hold off so many people at once. This had been one of those nights, he had been hunting a group of vampires going on a killing spree and thinking there were only two or three on serum he chose to act. Unfortunately for Dexter Vex, he was wrong. Both about the serum and the number of vampires. Fortunately for Dexter Vex, Valkyrie Cain had been waiting nearby in case he needed back up. She had dropped off the roof above and into the fight just as Dexter was sure he was going to lose. Swinging a sword made of shadows and blasting them with fire, Valkyrie made quick work of the vampires. Something Dexter was sure he would never hear the end of.

Now he was sitting in Valkyrie's car as she drove them back to the Sanctuary and to the doctors waiting for them.

"How are you feeling?" Valkyrie's voice was soft, everything about her seemed to blend into the darkness of the night. For not the first time, Dexter was momentarily stunned by the beautiful woman the girl had turned into.

"Light headed, but I'll live." Dexter flashed her a smile that she laughed at. There was a time she would have swooned over that smile, he thought to himself. But she's not a child anymore, she's grown up. He looked at her a little longer than normal thinking about when this had changed while she pretended not to notice.

"We are here." Her voice was a little harder now, Dexter looked out the window. They were indeed outside of the Sanctuary. The parking lot was empty save for a few cars, one of which was the Bently and there was a tall skinny figure standing next to it.

"What's he doing here?" Dexter wondered aloud.

"I told him you were hunting vampires tonight and I was back up. He must have figured one of us would get hurt." Valkyrie chuckled as they both un-buckled and exited the car. "Are you okay to make it to the doctors?" She tore her eyes away from the Bently and the man to look at Dexter, she clearly wanted to go talk to her partner.

"Yeah, I'll be fine." Dexter nodded and started moving away. He really wasn't that bad off, just some cuts on his chest that would require stitches. He had only almost lost because of the number of them, at least that's what he was telling himself. He heard the soft footsteps as Skulduggery walked over to his friends.

"Everyone alright?" The smooth voice came from underneath the hat. Skulduggery didn't bother with the facade at night around here.

"Of course!" Valkyrie answered cheerfully. "Dexter just needs a few stitches, right? And I'm about to go home." She looked at him and for a brief moment they seemed to be talking silently and Skulduggery nodded.

Dexter nodded in agreement not saying anything but glancing between the two. He started walking away, "Well I want to get stitched up and head home so I'm off." His voice trailed away, maybe he had been hurt worse than he thought because he wasn't thinking straight with what he did next. He turned around quickly, "Valkyrie, you want to grab a bite tomorrow night?"

She had shifted a little closer to Skulduggery when Dexter started walking away but she turned to her friend's voice. "Sure! We haven't gone out to eat in so long. Magnolias?" She suggested as it was their usual haunt.

He shook his head, "Maybe somewhere nicer?" He paused, "What about Firefly?"

Valkyrie raised an eyebrow, "Firefly is pretty nice." she sounded skeptical.

"Well for a first date I mean." Dexter shrugged as if it was no big deal. Valkyrie's eyes widened a little bit, she hadn't been expecting that but if he was reading her right she was pleased nonetheless. Valkyrie Cain had a crush on Dexter since she was sixteen years old and he knew it. He had only just started to return those affections, however.

While Dexter had been amused by Valkyrie's reaction, he was shocked by Skulduggeries. The skeleton very subtly shifted to protect his partner. A hand went out for her waist, not quite touching but ready to grab her if need be. Stepping forward and to her side where it would take him less than a second to get infront of her. And his head cocked to the side as if he was sizing Dexter up, it was a look Dexter had seen multiple times but never directed at him. It made Dexter want to back up, knowing what usually came next.

"Oh," Valkyrie stammered, obviously surprised and unsure how to respond. "Well, um Dexter. I'm actually seeing someone." Her voice trailed off and Dexter was surprised to hear her be so timid.

"Oh." Dexter Vex had not been expecting that. He usually didn't get turned down. "Well then. Magnolias?" He turned and walked away without waiting for a response. As he was walking away he heard his friends speaking, clearly thinking he was out of earshot.

"Do you want to go to Firefly with me tomorrow?" Skulduggery's voice sounded tense but teasing.

"Stop it you goon." Valkyrie had a laugh in her voice, it was quite though like it was trying to hide.

Dexter was almost to the front door now, he could see them in the reflection. Skulduggery's arms were around her waist and his head bent down to look into her eyes. Valkyrie was smiling up at him, hands resting softly on his shoulders before she stood on her tiptoes to press a soft kiss against his teeth. "Come over toni.." Dexter was through the front doors and couldn't hear or see them anymore.

Out of everyone he expected to lose a girl to, Skulduggery Pleasant was not one of them.

Last was Anton Shudder. Which was not surprising given how he never left the hotel. What was surprising was how he found out.

Anton had just hired a new desk hand to help around the hotel, a younger boy named Serious Fright. The boy, while he had a dramatic name, was a very calm necromancer that's only real skill was his ability to shadow walk anywhere. He could shadow walk almost as well as a teleporter could move and his mother always got scared when he would shadow walk while younger, hence the name.

It was a warm day in July, the sun was out for once and it was rapidly approaching noon. The hotel would be moving soon. But not before the next guest checked in. The Dead Men had recently made a habit of staying at the Midnight Hotel more and more often. Their excuse was the exceptional service, but Anton knew they wished he would come out more and they stayed there to see him. Since he knew this he was not surprised when Skulduggery checked in at 11:27 in the morning.

"You want a room for the night?" Anton stared at his friend across the front desk.

"Yes, please."

"You're a skeleton."

"Yes."

"You don't sleep."

"I meditate."

"Skulduggery…"

"My house is being fumigated and I wanted to see my old friend. Is that a crime?" The skeletons head tilted to the side staring eyelessly at Anton Shudder.

Anton chuckled, "No, I suppose not." He drew out a key from under the desk. "Room 12."

Skulduggery nodded and left thanking him, an overnight bag in his hands.

At 1:43PM Anton was walking back to the front desk, "Serious, did we have any last minute check ins?"

"Just one." The boy looked up from his book which was resting on the desk.

"Anyone good?" Anton asked out of boredom. He had a pen in one hand and a pad of paper in the other, he was only slightly listening to Serious as he tried to list everything he was supposed to be doing today. There was something missing from his list.

"Valkyrie Cain."

"What?" Anton looked up from the list.

"Valkyrie Cain checked in at 11:59. She came bursting through the front doors, said she thought she was going to miss us and that it's an important weekend so she's glad she didn't."

"Val is here?" Anton asked. Serious just nodded. "And she said it was an important weekend?" Again a nod. "Hmm."

Anton Shudder had never been one for gossip but he knew what the other Dead Men were saying. He didn't believe them though. He had told Dexter that the reflection wasn't clear and Valkyrie and Skulduggery wouldn't have kissed, Dexter saw it wrong. Erskine and Saracen he dismissed because while Saracen knew things he wasn't always right. Ghastly was brushed aside because the pair was close, they all were. At some point or another Val had given everyone a kiss on the cheek. The rest of the tale had been dramatized. Anything could be blown out of proportion for gossip's sake. Now they were both in his hotel. This was Anton's chance to show the others that nothing was happening.

"What room did you put her in?" Anton asked.

"She asked for 11 or 13." This made Anton look up.

Maybe the others were right. No, Anton refused to believe this. He refused to believe his 490 year old friend was dating his 80 year old friend. "I'll be back." Anton was never one to sneak around, he was always one for the direct approach.

And that's what he did now, he walked quickly to room 12. Pen and paper still in his hand, he knocked with a closed fist and said nothing.

The door quickly swung open and there was Valkyrie Cain. Wearing nothing but a wide mischievous smile, a half closed mens button down shirt, hair messed up as if she had been rolling on the bed, and an open wine bottle in her hand. "Anton!" she yelped and the door promptly slammed in his face.

Anton Shudder stood there in shock, it took him a minute to comprehend and by the time that minute had passed the door was swinging open again.

This time, however, there was someone else at it.

"Hello old friend, how are you?" Skulduggery Pleasant was only wearing his trousers and his button down which was open at the top showing his clavicle and the top of his ribs.

Anton could see into the room behind him slightly, Valkyries overnight bag had been thrown on the chair at the desk, the beds covers were mused and pillows on the floor, and there was something hanging off the side of the bed attached to the post. Anton shook his head, not believing his eyes. There were handcuffs on the bed. Valkyrie could not be seen, but he could hear her shuffling around, probably looking for trousers. Anton reached behind Skulduggery to pull the door closed.

"What are you doing?" Anton hissed trying to refrain from shouting and upsetting the other guests.

"Well. I was doing everything in my power to satisfy my girlfriend and I did quite well for a skeleton I think. So we were celebrating with a wine break."

His honesty surprised Anton Shudder. Skulduggery had always been blunt but this was a lot even for him. "Your girlfriend?" Anton whisper yelled. "She's only 80! You're 410 years older than her!"

"I know."

"It's inappropriate!"

"Im aware."

"People already hate you, why add this on? Why have a fling with Valkyrie? Your partner!"

"I love her."

"Honestly, what are you think- Wait, what?" Anton looked at Skulduggery Pleasant. A man who had not claimed to love anyone since his wife and child died all those years ago in the war. "You love her?"

"I do." Skulduggery answered honestly. "I always have in some way or another. At first it was like the love you feel for a puppy that follows you around and bites your ankles, then it was the love you feel for a bee buzzing in your ear knowing its doing good somewhere though it annoys you, next like that cousin you don't hate but don't want around-"

"I can hear you." Came a muffled voice from inside the room. The door opened behind the men. Valkyrie was still wearing the mens button down but now she was at least in a pair of pajama shorts and her hair had been tamed. "Anton, we are sorry you found out this way but it's been 17 years. It's not a fling, never has been." She looked over next to her where Skulduggery was standing watching her. "A bee and your cousin?" She asked.

"You were young once." Was his only reply.

"Am I not young now?"

Skulduggery didnt answer for a second. "No." He said slowly. Valkyrie glared.

Anton decided it was time to interrupt the couple - they were actually a couple- "You have been together for 17 years now?" He couldn't believe the Dead Men had missed this. They were one of the most elite military forces on the planet, how had they missed this?

Skulduggery and Valkyrie just nodded in response.

"Well then.." Anton nodded, "Have a nice stay at the Midnight Hotel, Miss. Cain I will cancel your room." Based on Valkyrie's smile Anton could tell that one, this was the right decision and that two, Valkyrie Cain truly loved Skulduggery Pleasant and their friends accepting this relationship meant the world to her.

Anton Shudder nodded and began to walk away, "Have a nice stay.." He muttered again before turning a corner.

He didn't turn the corner before he caught one last look of the couple.

Skulduggery Pleasant was holding Valkyrie Cain in the air, her legs were wrapped around his skeleton waist but he was mostly supporting her. Skulduggery was carrying her into the room swiftly. They were staring deeply into eachothers eyes, neither of them daring to look away. A look of love and affection was pouring from Valkyrie's eyes, but from Skulduggery's eye sockets nothing could be seen. Anton Shudder knew, however, this was the most affectionate Skullduggery had ever looked at anyone. Skulduggery Pleasant would never love anyone as he loved Valkyrie Cain. This Anton Shudder was sure of, and he couldn't wait to tell the rest of the Dead Men.


End file.
